Fear of the Unknown: What is Behind You Needing to Control Everything
Do you ever feel like if you’re not in control, everything will fall apart?
It is not uncommon for us to believe we can prevent anything bad from happening to us. This misconception leads us to try to control every element of our life and can often have the opposite effect. When you overly focus on things you do not have control of you end up feeling more out of control.
Let’s get some insight to why control feels necessary and how we can build confidence in ourselves to lessen our grip.
Fear of the Unkown and Control Issues
Our brains love to know what to expect so we can be prepared. When we do not know what to expect our brains fill in the gaps and it often fills it in with anything and everything - and that can be overwhelming and anxiety inducing. On top of that the unknowns cast doubt on our ability to handle what is to come.
How Can Control Show Up In Life and Relationships
When we need to control everything it can cause extra stress and anxiety on top of the usual stressors of life. This can cause us to feel like we need to complete a never ending to-do list or keep us in a perpetual state of questioning to make sure we do not miss anything. This overwhelm can impact how we show-up in our relationships, impact our focus at work or with our chores, or keep us up at night.
How to Let Go of Control
Reflect on Times You Managed Without Control
Building trust in yourself that you can handle hard things and figure out hard things can help turn off the alarm bells in your brain. If it were in fact true that you cannot handle what is to come of course we should plan for it all, however I doubt that is true! I am certain you have had experiences where life did not go the way you expected and you made it through, maybe even for the better.
Practice Grounding and Soothing Skills
Our brains go on high alert when we see threats to our lives. Building a consistent relaxation routine will keep your baseline lower and also prove to your brain that grounding and breathing is something you can trust in moments of stress. These skills will quiet the alarms and allow you to address the concerns with less distractions.
Build and Utilize Your Support System
Building confidence in handling hard things goes hand in hand with having social supports. Having to face challenges alone is scary! If you have friends or family to lean on it can help you feel more confident to address unknowns.
In Conclusion
Your need for control can stem from your fear and anxiety of the unknown. Reinforcing that life has already presented you with unknowns and you survived - self-trust helps us handle uncertainty. Self-trust is knowing you have built a support system that can help when needed too.
If you find control issues are impacting your relationships, or focus with daily tasks please reach out for a consultation and see how working with Le Therapy can help.