Feeling Like You’re Back Where You Started? Here’s Why You’re Not
Like rivers flow, you are always changing and growing
Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Back Where You Started?
Do you ever find yourself in a cycle and think you are regressing, back to where you started? Maybe you thought you were done with something but you return to a similar place. It is easy to believe you have failed and lost progress.
But healing is not linear. What if you did not go backward at all? What if you are revisiting from a different perspective, with new awareness and skills? Rather than a circle maybe it is a spiral - like climbing a mountain. You’ve returned to a similar location, but you’re now seeing it from a higher vantage point.
Healing is not Linear
When you expect your journey to be a straight path any detour can feel like a failure. But you are consistently changing and learning. You may return to a similar issue but how you see it, and yourself, is different.
This time you might catch on sooner, regulate a bit faster, or are just kinder to yourself. The changes may be small but they’re still progress.
Think of hiking a mountain trail with switchbacks (zigzag paths that move you upward). You pass similar views, but each time, you’re a little higher than before. The change can be subtle, but after several turns, you’ve climbed halfway up the mountain.
You Never Step Into the Same River Twice
I first heard this quote while learning about Buddhism and the idea of impermanence. It’s credited to Heraclitus:
“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”
Water is always flowing, changing the river - and you, too, are always changing.
Even if you arrive back to a similar situation maybe something in life happened, out of your control, that brought it back. If life existed in a vacuum maybe we could say we regressed but so many things influence life’s direction outside of you. Life is ever changing and so are you.
Maybe you’ve gained new tools from therapy or increased understanding of yourself. Revisiting familiar territory doesn’t mean regression, it’s another opportunity to integrate your growth with new context.
Why We Mistake Growth for Regression
Learning requires repetition. When a familiar pain or challenge returns it can feel like a failure. But all growth takes practice. Each time you revisit an old lesson, you bring a deeper understanding or a more refined skill.
Sometimes what feels like “starting over” is actually integrating what you’ve learned on a new level.
Recognizing Subtle Signs of Growth
Growth can be small so it is important to pause and build self-awareness of changes within you and your behaviors. Here are a few potential indicators to get you started:
You notice your behaviors sooner (even if they have not changed yet)
You recover from emotional triggers quicker (even if it is just 1 second faster)
You practice self-compassion and soothing instead of self-criticism (even if the first thoughts are criticism)
You ask for help when you need it (even if it is a last resort)
These moments matter. They’re the quiet markers of transformation.
You Haven’t Regressed - You’ve Grown
On your healing journey, when you return to familiar territory it is not regression. It is part of the process. You return a little wiser, stronger, and more prepared. You are never the same person stepping into the same situation.
Notice what is different this time. Recognize it. Reinforce it.
If you feel like you are stuck in a cycle and struggling to see your progress, therapy can help you recognize and build your growth. Schedule a consultation with Le Therapy to see how I can help!